Bakura vs the Space Vampire Kittens
by dragonwrangler
Summary: Super Seme Ryou of the space vampire kittens along with his uke, vampire space kitten Seto who looks a lot like a certain CEO and is mpreg convince Bakura to help them take over Kaiba Corp.


Bakura vs. the Space Vampire Kittens by dragonwrangler

Summary- Super Seme Ryou of the space vampire kittens and his uke, vampire space kitten Seto- who looks a lot like a certain CEO and is mpreg- convince Bakura to help them take over Kaiba Corp.

Warnings- **Best just to turn back now.** Other than that warning- this fic is utterly silly, the space vampire kittens are OOC versions of the charries they look like (and space Kaiba is mpreg), there is some bad language and logic took a left turn sometime duringthe first sentence. Also- **the sole purpose of writing this was simply to get it out of my head (you've been warned!)**

Fic for the KnY challenge- write a YGO fic using the word 'kitten' without referring to felines or female anatomy. If you value your mind, run away now.

Author's notes- I apologize to-

Miko- for stealing stuff out of Kai-baby's desk

Rekall- for stealing Gumdrop

Dragon- for stealing some plushies and a picture of Kaiba for Bakura to use

Mishiko- for completely warping the idea of a supernatural AU (though it's not much of a supernatural AU)

And I hope Psyche doesn't mind the troll I found to put in this fic.

Disclaimer- YU-GI-OH is owned by Kazuki Takahashi and a whole lot of other people too numerous to list. I don't own anything but the idea behind this story. Please forgive me.

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Bakura vs. the Space Vampire Kittens

Bakura knew it was going to be a bad day when he saw the alien space kitten waving an anal probe in his direction but, hell- he'd been through worse.

The day had started off innocently enough. All right, not all that innocently but for Bakura it had been a relatively tame morning since he was still living off the effects of an all nighter with Marik and was a little slow in getting up to speed today.

He had been on his way to steal his hikari Ryou a Valentine's Day card (like he was going to pay for one of those stupid, sappy cards and so what if it had been several weeks ago, it was the thought that counted here.) Anyway, he was more than a little surprised to find Ryou standing outside the card shop (especially since he knew Ryou was just getting off from work- and work was on the other side of town.) He was even more surprised though, when he realized his hikari was deep in conversation with Seto Kaiba, who was staring at Ryou with a look of absolute adoration on his face- which should have warned Bakura right then and there something was up.

On top of that was the fact each of them had adorable little cat ears peeking out of their hair

Bakura had no choice but to find out what the hell was going on.

"Ryou." Bakura demanded once he got close enough. "How in Ra's name did you manage to turn Kaiba into a lovesick puppy dog?"

Ryou turned with a snarl and started waving the previously mentioned anal probe in Bakura's direction. Truthfully Bakura didn't see this as a bad thing at first- far from it. His first thought was he could finally have some serious fun in bed with his sexually repressed white haired hikari since he could think of a few interesting things they could do with an anal probe. However, he finally knew something was wrong when Ryou, flashing surprisingly sharp, pointed teeth, snarled, "And who the fuck are you, insignificant little human?"

No way in hell Ryou would take a chance speaking to him like that. Unless he was trying to turn him on, of course. Bakura had to admit it just might work if Ryou timed it when he was in the right frame of mind for a little domineering.

However now was not that time.

Before Bakura could snap off a sarcastic comeback he found himself watching Kaiba with a raised eyebrow as the tall CEO suddenly scooted behind Ryou, flashing the same sharp, pointed teeth at Bakura in what appeared to be a lame attempt to look imposing before crouching down to hide behind the shorter, white haired male. The sight was enough to freeze Bakura's brain a moment, since it was so out of the realm of possibilities it could not be easily comprehended. Somehow noticing Kaiba seemed to be a little plump around the waist as he bent over- and knowing the last thing Kaiba would be sporting was a beer belly- Bakura finally managed to utter, "Ra damn, Ryou! You got Kaiba pregnant too?" Bakura looked at his hikari in new found admiration.

Ryou moved forward with Kaiba somehow managing to keep himself behind the man while his face was buried in the long white hair. Looking Bakura right in the eye, Ryou growled, "How the hell do you know my name?" Suddenly indignant he added, the cat ears snapping back against his skull, "And how dare you call my uke puppy!"

Bakura stared at the ears that were now almost completely hidden by the long white hair, beginning to think maybe he had drunk a little too much last night. Looking back at the person who was now way too far into his personal space to live another minute, he was distracted by a flash of blue as Kaiba peeked around Ryou with a wide eyed stare. Realizing he could be seen, Kaiba ducked back behind Ryou with a little squeak as a crafty look crossed over the white haired man's features.

Realizing Ryou was staring at him, Bakura snapped ,"What?" as he began to get annoyed. This whole situation was making him think a little too much. He was still hung over enough to make that a bad thing.

"You may be of some use to me, slave." Ryou answered with a smirk.

"Excuse me?" Bakura managed to get out even as his hands curled into fists. Not even his hikari could get away with calling him slave.

Obviously ignoring the danger he was in, Ryou repeated, "You may be of some use to me." Cocking his head to the side, the ears swiveling back up, he added, "I need someone familiar with things. I am taking over the company called Kaiba Corp. as a birth gift for my favorite uke here." Ryou gave the figure behind him an indulgent smile. Kaiba looked up and returned the smile happily.

_Shit, the Kaiba I know doesn't even look at his stupid brother like that, _Bakura though as Ryou's lookalike turned back. Even though he knew it was a bad idea but finding himself unable to resist, Bakura had to ask, "And you need help breaking into Kaiba Corp?"

Ryou gave a low chuckle. "Hardly. It is not as if their simplistic security systems would be able to withstand our intellect. No, getting in is not what I would need you for. I just need someone to identify the equipment we find inside. I wouldn't want my precious uke to get hurt because of some of your primitive technology."

A chance to simply walk into Kaiba Corp and reek havoc while being able to pin the blame on someone else.

It was too appealing for Bakura to pass up.

"There's a few things I need to pick up first." Bakura stated firmly.

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Bakura heard voices shouting in the living room and wondered briefly what was going on. Once he heard the running footsteps he had a pretty good idea what had happened.

Straightening up he watched his hikari fly into the bedroom, slam the door shut, and press his back against it like he was some over the top sitcom character or something. His Ryou stared at him with wide panicked eyes.

"I take it you met Super Seme Ryou then?"

"WHO?" Ryou practically shouted.

Turning back to the closet Bakura spotted some of the things he was looking for and grabbed them as he repeated, "Super Seme Ryou. Apparently he's an alien vampire kitten or something." On the way to the apartment, Bakura had found the alien wouldn't shut up about his stupid uke and he now knew more than he ever wanted to know about the pair. Including how exactly the uke got pregnant.

He was going to need some serious time with Marik to wipe that lovely image out of his head.

"Oh, and for your own safety, it's best not to get between his uke and the fridge." he added absently as he set a computer disk down on the bed and checked the contents of his lock picking kit.

"His uke and the fridge?" Ryou asked in amazement.

"Yeah, you can't miss him, he looks like Kaiba. Apparently he's pregnant."

"Pregnant?"

"Yeah. You'll probably need to restock the fridge tomorrow." Bakura tossed the kit at Ryou.

Catching it the white haired hikari asked, looking more than a little dazed, "And what are they doing in my apartment, Bakura? And why am I holding your lock picking kit?"

"We're taking over Kaiba Corp." he answered as he put on his long black jacket and slipped the disk in a pocket.

"You're breaking into Kaiba Corp?"

"No, they're the ones breaking into Kaiba Corp. Once that's done I'll start breaking into things, like Kaiba's desk." Bakura shook his head as he spotted one more object he thought he would need. "Though considering him and Yami I'll probably only find some sex toys or something in there. I draw the line at stealing previously used butt plugs.", he said as he stuffed the object into a pocket.

Ryou made a face. "I did not need to know that, Bakura."

"Whatever. Come on." Bakura said as he snagged Ryou and dragged him into the hall.

"I'm not helping you take over Kaiba Corp!" the hikari hissed in protest as Bakura took the kit from him.

"No you're not. I need you to keep Yami and Kaiba out of my hair until I'm done having my fun." Bakura answered.

Managing to pull himself out of Bakura's grip, Ryou said, "Having my fun. I know what you mean by having my fun, Bakura! And how am I supposed to keep Yami and Kaiba busy, they barely acknowledge I exist!"

"Yeah but you hang out with Yugi- just use your boyfriend's influence on his hikari, that should be enough."

Ryou's eyes managed to widen even more as a slight blush colored his cheeks. _Oh like I didn't know this_, Bakura thought to himself as he started dragging Ryou down the hall again. Before he could make another comment they stepped into the living room. Bakura scowled at Gumdrop- Malik's cat- who was currently sprawled in the alien Ryou's lap purring loudly.

"Traitor." Bakura growled.

"Meow?" Gumdrop answered, gracefully rolling off the alien to trot up to Bakura. Stretching up, Gumdrop pawed the lock picking kit and repeated, "Meow?"

Finding himself amused by the cat Bakura scooped his partner in crime up under one arm.

"You are not taking Gumdrop with you Bakura." his hikari hissed.

"Oh don't worry, it's not like I'm going to leave him in the car again." Bakura replied.

His Ryou rolled his eyes as he let out a heavy sigh while the alien Ryou began eyeing his lookalike. "Is he for sale?" the alien asked with a gesture toward Ryou. Suddenly smirking he added, "Be interesting to have a uke to bed that looks just like me."

"WHAT!" Ryou shouted, turning even redder than he had been.

"Hell no!" Bakura snapped, a little indignant. "The only lookalike that gets to fuck him is me, got that!"

"BAKURA!" Ryou shouted in obvious embarrassment.

"Ah, used merchandise. Well, can't have that." alien Ryou said dismissively as he turned to pet his uke, who was sitting on the couch next to him. Running his fingers through the cinnamon colored hair a moment, he began scratching alien Kaiba behind one of the cat ears, which caused the uke to curl up against his seme's side. With a purr, alien Ryou said, "Maybe I should just let you feed on him, would you like that my sweet little ukey kitten?"

Ignoring the urge to gag, Bakura leaned over to his hikari and growled, "Just tell Yugi I've gone evil and you need Yami and Kaiba's help in tracking me down, that should get their attention."

"Yugi?" the alien Ryou said curiously. Looking thoughtful he added, "Wouldn't happen to have black spiky hair with red tips and blond bangs would he?"

"Oh what, you've already eaten the little squirt?" Bakura asked hopefully.

"No actually that happens to be a description of my commander, Supreme Seme Kitten Yugi." the alien said in a matter of fact tone.

For a moment Bakura's brain crawled away into a little dark corner in protest until he shook his head and glared at his hikari. "You've got forty five minutes to get them out Ryou." he hissed into his hikari's ear. "If I have to listen to that for any longer I will go psycho again."

"Right." the hikari answered as he took off for the door.

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Ryou stopped in front of the Kame Game shop and tried to catch his breath after running all the way over. A little surprised he had not been followed, since there was a considerable amount of shouting when he had escaped the weirdness in his apartment, he decided it was best not to ask Bakura what he had said to keep the two so called aliens in the apartment. And Ryou still had no idea what he was going to say to Yugi though he had no doubt Bakura would follow through on his threat. Ryou had a feeling he would got psycho if he had to listen to them too.

Pushing the door open, Ryou stepped in and, seeing Yugi's grandfather behind the counter, asked in a rush, "Is Yugi here? I really need to talk to him. Um, right now please."

Looking a little surprised, the older man said, "Well, Yugi's upstairs studying, you can go right up, Ryou."

"Thank you." Rushing into the house and quickly running up the stairs, Ryou burst into Yugi's room and shouted, "I need to talk to Yami, Yugi!"

"What?" Yugi asked in surprise as he turned around in his chair. His lavender eyes widening as he looked at Ryou, he quickly stood up to guide his fellow hikari to a sitting position on the bed. "Ryou are you all right?"

Beginning to feel a little panicked by things, Ryou absently grabbed a Duel Monster plushie out of the pile at the end of Yugi's bed to wrap his arms around it. "It's Bakura, he's…" Ryou's voice trailed off as he tried to figure out what to say.

"Bakura?" Yugi exclaimed. "Did he hurt you?" Yugi asked gently, concern lacing his voice.

"No!" Ryou protested. "He's just…" His voice trailed off again. Growing even more nervous, Ryou grabbed another plushie to hug and said, "I need to talk to Yami!" Thinking a second he added a little frantically, "And Kaiba, I need to talk to Kaiba too!"

"All right, all right, let me give Yami a call. You just stay here, Ryou." Yugi said just before turning to run out of the room. Ryou could just hear him shout, "Grandpa, I need to use the phone!" as he glanced down at the stuffed animals in his hands.

He was a little startled to realize he was currently strangling both the Dark Magician and a Blue Eyes White Dragon in his arms.

"I guess that's appropriate." he muttered as he waited nervously for Yugi to return.

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Fifty minutes later Bakura was striding through the front door of Kaiba Corp, giving the unconscious figures scattered throughout the lobby a passing glance as he headed for the executive elevators.

He had not been surprised earlier when he saw Kaiba blow by in a red sports car with Yami in the passenger seat just before he led the aliens toward Kaiba Corp. A satisfied smirk had crossed his lips at that. There was no reason to break into Kaiba's office if Kaiba wasn't going to be around to burst a blood vessel when he found out. Getting him out of the building had been crucial to Bakura's plans.

As he stopped to wait for the elevator, Bakura glanced over to his left and groaned.

_Oh great, if it isn't Supreme Seme Kitten Yugi. _He had no doubt that was who it was. Even when he was possessed by the Pharaoh, Yugi couldn't have pulled off the unconsciously sexy swagger the alien had as he walked up.

Smirking slightly, alien Yugi ran a lustful gaze over Bakura, red tipped black ears twitching once before he turned to the alien Ryou. "A gift perhaps Ryou?" he questioned in a voice uncannily similar to the Pharaoh's. Bakura rolled his eyes as the white haired vampire answered humbly while he bowed, "Possibly later, Supreme Seme. For the moment I need him to assist me since it was necessary to knock everyone within the building out."

"Fair enough." The spiky haired alien answered as he gestured to someone behind Bakura. Turning Bakura was not surprised when Jonouchi appeared, complete with spiky dog collar and floppy dog ears. Gumdrop hissed at the figure but was quickly mollified when Yugi patted the cat on the head and said, "It's all right, he's just my uke, no need to worry."

Thankfully the elevator appeared. Unfortunately, everyone standing with Bakura got in, including the dog eared Jonouchi. Only having to live with this situation a few moments, Bakura exited the elevator and quickly strode across the lobby into Kaiba's office, dropping Gumdrop to the floor as he reached the desk. Quickly powering up the computer he glanced up and found Ryou once again too far into his personal space to live.

"What do you think you are doing?" the alien snarled.

Reaching into his pocket to pull out his lock picking kit, Bakura answered, "Making sure there are no traps.' Gesturing to the alien Kaiba, who was carefully maneuvering his pregnant self down to a sitting position on the couch, he added, "Or would you like him to find them for you?"

As alien Ryou turned away to check on his uke, Bakura bent over to get the desk drawers on his right open. The top one had nothing in it other than basic office supplies. The bottom ones had the sex toys he was expecting, though the one with the peacock feathers caught him off guard. Curiosity getting the better of him, he carefully pulled the butt plug out of the drawer by the feathers and frowned when he realized there was a cord attached to it.

Pulling the cord out Bakura found a USB plug and a control device attached to the other end. What the fuck… he wondered as he plugged it into the now booted up computer. Setting the controls to the highest setting and clicked on the box that appeared on the screen, Bakura was startled when the thing started vibrating on the desk.

Both Yugi and Ryou gave the device an interesting look as their ears twitched. "That could be fun." Supreme Seme Kitten Yugi commented.

Getting the disturbing image of the thing stuck up Yami's ass while Kaiba clicked away and the feathers brushing across the desk like a feather duster as Yami twisted around in pleasure, Bakura quickly pulled the plug out of the computer and passed the thing to alien Yugi. "Here, knock yourselves out." he said then added silently, _just as long as I don't have to watch._

As Bakura slipped the disk in his pocket into the drive to load a little surprise for Kaiba to find in a few weeks, he gave the center drawer a quick twist of a pick. He realized when he pulled it open he had just hit the jackpot. Pushing the gun sitting on top of everything further back into the drawer, he quickly pulled out a stiff folder full of DVD ROMs. Removing his program he started loading the KC disks into the computer.

It only took a moment for Bakura to figure out the encryption codes- he'd been a thief long enough not to be slowed down by modern technology- and Bakura grinned as schematics and notes for the newest KaibaLand popped onto the screen. Quickly making a few improvements, and realizing the aliens were getting a little impatient and that he wouldn't be able to do all the things he planned, Bakura saved the changes and put the disks back in the folder before placing them back into the drawer.

Nodding to himself, Bakura stood up and gestured to the chair. "Have at it." he said.

As Kaiba's lookalike was moved from the couch to the chair under the indulgent gaze of the alien Ryou, and Supreme Seme Yugi showed off his new toy to his uke, Bakura looked around the room for a place to put the other object in his pocket.

"Meow?"

Glancing at Gumdrop, who was sitting comfortably on a shelf beside a Blue Eyes White Dragon sculpture and a picture of Yami and Mokuba, Bakura nodded in satisfaction.

It was perfect.

Gathering Gumdrop into his arms, Bakura pulled out the naked, freakishly happy, pink-haired troll doll and set it behind the photo. The thing had given him nightmares ever since he had found it in the back of the closet one day and had tried to get rid of it several times already- but it always managed to find its way back into the closet.

Hopefully the thing wouldn't manage to find its way back this time.

Watching the group around the desk a moment, Bakura decided it was time to cause trouble somewhere else and silently slipped from the room, purposely setting off the hidden alarm set in the secretary's desk.

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"Why the hell am I even here for this." Kaiba demanded irritably from the door of Yugi's room.

Ryou bit his lower lip as he looked at the pissed off CEO while Yami calmly explained, "If Bakura is up to no good it's going to affect you eventually Seto."

Blue eyes rolled.

As the ex-pharaoh turned back toward him, Ryou blurted out, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a bother."

Giving him a gentle hug, Yugi said, "It's okay. You're not being a bother Ryou." just as Kaiba's pager went off.

"Now what." he muttered as he glanced at the number. Eyes widening in surprise the CEO whipped out his cell phone and began dialing.

"What is it?" Yami asked, moving away from the bed.

"My secretary just set off the office alarm." he said as he held the cell phone up to his ear. Obviously not getting an answer, he scowled and pulled the phone down to dial another number, turning away to head down the stairs.

Ryou could hear him start yelling as Yami headed out after him gesturing that they follow.

Slipping off the bed, still holding the two plushies as he quickly followed Yugi outside, Ryou wondered what kind of fun Bakura was having.

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Bakura was not having fun at all.

As soon as the elevator doors had opened, Bakura found himself the focus of several aliens- easily identifiable by the cat ears that suddenly swiveled in his direction. Quickly punching in a floor number halfway up the building as he swore at his own stupidity, Bakura began thinking and discarding several ideas as to his next move as he headed out into an empty hallway.

He was not surprised when he heard Supreme Seme Kitten Yugi's voice happily echo down the hall. "Well, isn't this perfect- lunch on the run. Can't beat that."

Dropping Gumdrop in the room to his left, Bakura headed right and found himself in one of the many conference rooms on this floor. Swiftly crossing to the opposite door, Bakura found himself in a short hall that led, as he had hoped, to a small kitchenette.

This meant there would be an elevator exclusively for the wait staff. Unfortunately, the aliens had already shut the thing down.

Turning he was surprised to find alien Yugi lounging against the doorframe, his eyes once again roaming over Bakura in an annoyingly possessive way. Straightening with a smirk the alien's eyes flashed once and Bakura found himself dropping to his knees.

_What the fuck, _flashed blurrily through Bakura's head as Yugi's lookalike walked over and gazed at Bakura in satisfaction.

"I believe you would make a fascinating uke," alien Yugi said seductively as he caught Bakura's chin in a firm grip, "but I certainly can't have you running off like that again." Tilting Bakura's head to the side, exposing his throat, the alien murmured- his voice hot against the bared skin, "We'll just have to fix that, won't we."

Just as Bakura felt the sharp incisors pressing against his neck drawing blood, a voice said sharply, "Supreme Seme!"

Sighing, the alien stopped biting to snap angrily, "This better be good!" Lavender eyes hungrily followed the line of blood Bakura could feel dripping down as the voice explained hastily, "We have indications of several alarms going off throughout the building!"

"What?" alien Yugi exclaimed, just as a small explosion jolted the building.

Bakura frowned. That wasn't something he did, and judging by the furious look on the alien's face as he suddenly marched away, it wasn't anything they did either.

Kaiba must be seriously pissed.

Apparently free of the effects of whatever it was the space vampire had done, Bakura staggered to his feet, snagging a cloth off the counter to stop the bleeding, and grabbed Gumdrop to make his escape.

And this time he was going to make sure he wasn't seen by anyone.

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Ryou and Yugi sat on the sidelines and watched Kaiba blow a few alien spaceships out of the sky around Kaiba Corp.

The CEO was having way too much fun doing it in Ryou's opinion.

Even Bakura would have trouble looking that dementedly happy as he caused that much random destruction. And Kaiba was actually blowing up parts of his own building in the process too. Granted he could afford to but still…

As Yami gave his lover a strange look, Yugi leaned over to cautiously ask, "Do you mind if I hold on to the Dark Magician for a while, Ryou?"

"Help yourself." he said as he handed the plushie over.

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Raising an eyebrow at the wreckage around Kaiba Corp as he tried to avoid the debris that was still dropping from the sky, Bakura looked down at Gumdrop to say, "To hell with hallmark holidays- from now on I'm only celebrating ones that involve dead spirits or dead cooked birds."

Gumdrop just looked up at him and commented, "Meow?"

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TWO MONTHS LATER

Yami watched Seto and waited patiently for the inevitable explosion that was coming any minute now.

As they walked across the newest Kaiba Land, checking things out before the grand opening, Yami had not been as surprised as he would have thought he would be by the sight of the giant butt plug that a Blue Eyes White Dragon was perched on top of. Mind you, unless you were familiar with the shape of one you would have never known but Yami knew Seto was quite familiar with that shape and simply waited for his lover's reaction.

And considering the twenty minutes of non stop screaming that had gone on after the screensaver Bakura planted of Seto dressed up as Dark Magician Girl had popped up on every screen in Kaiba Corp, he could not imagine Seto taking this any better.

However, he never expected this.

"Hn. That's interesting." The CEO said as he looked at the odd sculpture. Turning to Yami, he added conversationally, "I'm still going to kill Bakura for that but I think I'll keep it anyway." Glancing back he added, "Probably have it moved to the mansion though. It would look good by the pool."

Yami started at Seto a few moments as the CEO continued on with his tour of the grounds before shaking his head in amazement as he ran to catch up.

He sure hoped Bakura had a chance to enjoy his little joke before Seto got his hands on him. At least Yami had been able to send Bakura that pink haired monstrosity the thief had apparently forgotten he'd left in Seto's office.

At least he'd be able to enjoy that for a few days.

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Bakura frowned at the package in his hand with the KC logo on it and carefully pulled it open.

Upon seeing the flash of pink hair Bakura exclaimed-

"_What the fuck!"_


End file.
